Screen time
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It's no secret that there are pros and cons to allowing children the use of screen time, and as more research is being conducted on the effects of screen time and a child's development it raises the question, is screen time good for my child? The increasing use of screen time to entertain children during daily activities such as running errands, car rides and dining out has become a common tool among our society today, and I'm just as guilty for allowing my children to use screen time in these ways on several different occasions.
I recently listened to Part 2 of Raising Boys on the Find the Magic Podcast, and they specifically talk about research on screen time and the boys brain. How when boys (kids) play video games it causes them to become more imitative. They start to get all their ideas and creativity from watching shows or playing video games rather than using their own creativity and sense of thinking that naturally comes to them. And for us, I was sensing this in my own children and the way that they played or lack there of with their toys and using their imagination. It was as if I had to tell them what to do next, be their source of entertainment, and think of things they could do every second of the day.... and that to me was becoming even more draining.
Our WHY
It's been a little over a week since Jay and I decided to take away all screens. No ipads, no tablets, no phones, and no TV. We came to the decision to eliminate screen time in our home because we needed a detox. The boys were becoming angry, having tantrums, not playing well together or really at all, they couldn't eat a meal or wake up in the morning without immediately running to get their tablet and start watching Youtube, or asking to turn the TV on. They were much less respectful of our authority and it was getting very hard to discipline them as they would just not listen, or cause a fuss whenever I would tell them that screen time was over. It's not to say that they couldn't ever enjoy play time or being outside, but with the increased time spent indoors and not leaving our home in months, it was getting much harder for sure.
Eliminating the use of screens was not just for our boys, but also for myself. A lot of the same feelings that I could see build up in them were also felt in me. I would get annoyed if I couldn't finish that one thing on my phone, answer an email, or reply to a DM. It was consuming me as well, and I knew if I were experiencing these feelings, I would have to set a good example for my boys and set my phone down too. I wanted to be more present during the day and connected to them. I wanted to be a good mother and play with them and enjoy our days together, without feeling distracted by my phone or what I had to "get done". I think it's safe to say that we're all guilty of scrolling the gram, online shopping, or whatever it may be that "brings you joy" during this time in our lives, but I wanted more. I longed for more and I knew I could achieve it with just a few simple changes.
To be honest, I'm ashamed of how far I let this go on, but I know that there are other parents who are dealing with the same issues which is why I wanted to share our experience with anyone that cares or is also wanting to make a change. These times of quarantine and staying at home all day everyday are tough and I get it. We're very use to being on the go, having play dates, visiting parks, running errands together and getting out of the house, so with the stay at home orders in effect, it's been a big adjustment for us all.
Allowing my boys screen time was the easy way out, the lazy parenting approach. I let it be a source of entertainment, sometimes "learning", but also a distraction for the boys when I was too exhausted, too tired or needing to get stuff done. However, I knew with a new baby coming I didn't want those first few months to be taken up by screens and exhausted parents who allowed their children too much tablet time rather than play and interaction, and connectedness between us. I didn't want it to be a constant struggle of frustration and crying/whining when the TV was off. And more importantly I didn't want look back and think of all that time spent watching screens when we could of been bonding as a new family of six.
Our HOW
Cold turkey. That was the only way I knew how without having the pressure to give in from meltdowns. It's easy as a parent to allow just a "little bit longer" of something your child is wanting, but the hard part is sticking to those boundaries you've set and that's often where I fall short. Of course there was some fight back, whining, crying, lots of asking why and when they could watch something but after a few days they eventually just accepted it and it got a little bit easier.
Our OUTCOME
The tantrums have faded (yes, they still exist because our kids are newly 5, almost 2, and 1... and that's just toddlerhood) but OH my goodness has it gotten so much better. They wake up and are eager to eat breakfast withOUT a screen. They actually want to play with one another and instead of asking for a tablet they ask to go outside, play legos, build things and I can see their creative juices flowing. We have connected so much in this last week that I kick myself for not doing this sooner. We are able to eat as a family without anyone needing an ipad. We can take a drive without needing the DVD on. We are so much more present with our time and one another. The boys play so nicely together and they are using their imagination, and playing independently without needing me to entertain them or tell them what they can do to keep busy throughout the day.
Our GOAL
I'm not going to downplay it, screens are definitely still going to be a part of our lives but much less time will be allowed for screens moving forward. We haven't decided on those set boundaries yet, but know that we want them and need them for this to continue to work. The thought of allowing a certain amount of time sounds nice, but it has to be clear for the boys so that they know when screen time is up, it's up. However, I also will be that mom who most definitely has movie days or movie nights and not feel guilty for it because the difference between then and now is that screen time is a reward, not just a given. The boys are so much more appreciative for any time that they get watching screens and I love that.
Moving forward, I know that winter months cooped up indoors allows for more possibilities for screen time and that's okay, but I also don't want to get back to where we were and have a constant battle of using screens in our everyday life. I like how things are going and I'm realistic in knowing that sometimes life hands you days where screens are a saving grace, especially with a knew baby on the way. With all that to say, I hope you enjoyed what you read here and you find the motivation to make the change in your own home. It has been a blessing that I never thought we needed, and I'm so so happy in the outcome we've received.
If you'd like more resources on screen times, I've provided some links below and also linked a few books on raising boys that I recently started reading. As always, thanks for stopping by. I appreciate your support!
